Empress of Poisons ARC Read online

  I knew something about feeling like that.

  “Nikolai.” I said. “His name is Nikolai.”

  The car was silent enough you could’ve heard a pin drop.

  Niko lifted his head up at the sound of his name. “Yes, Mama?”

  “Niko,” I stroked his hair, “meet Artyom, Roman, Dmitri, Olezka...and Konstantin.”

  He smiled as he twisted his head around to peek at everyone. “Hello, hello.”

  I tried to see Konstantin’s reaction but he remained facing forward, hiding his face from me.

  Dmitri looked like he was going to vomit for a second but then his face formed back into his ice-cold mask. “Nikolai...after my–” He broke off before he finished the sentence. His eyes met mine. “A good Russian name.”

  “So it is.”

  Niko’s brow furrowed as we spoke over him. “Mama,” he said loudly, making it clear he was still here and would like to be included. “Mama, Maamaa.”

  “That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.” I brushed down his hair and coaxed him back to my chest. “Have a nap, baby. When you wake up, we’ll be somewhere totally new.”

  “Not tired,” he mumbled.

  Seconds after his statement, Nikolai was fast asleep.

  He remained the focal point of interest for the men. Even Olezka, who was driving, looked back every and now then to spy on him. Roman even tried to touch his hair, which earned him a sharp slap on the wrist.

  “Wake Nikolai up and it’s your balls next.” I hissed under my breath.

  Roman retreated to the backseat.

  The only one who didn’t seem to show any interest was Konstantin.

  I didn’t know what I had expected. I had had childish daydreams and hopes that once reunited, Titus would be defeated and Konstantin would scoop a cheerful Nikolai into his arms, both of them happy and together.

  But that wasn’t the case. Nor would it ever be the case.

  This world wasn’t fit for people who wished on stars and blew dandelions into the wind with our prayers. If you wanted something here, you had to take it. You had to steal, kill, survive. Crossing your fingers and saying a Hail Mary wasn’t going to cut it.

  No matter how much you might wish.

  You just to wait until it’s safe for you and Nikolai to leave, I told myself. Then you can let Konstantin go and he can be free of you.

  But what would safe look like? Tatiana had said she would kill my family if I stayed with them, but if I wasn’t with my family, then Tatiana was going to kill me anyway.

  Once again, the question hovered in my brain.

  Them or you?

  Them or your son?

  I didn’t sleep the entire journey.

  Every time I felt my eyelids begin to droop, my maternal instincts pinched my arm. You’re really going to sleep and leave your son defenceless? Surrounded by strangers? Wake up!

  It took over a day to reach the estate, a day of constant travelling. From car to plane and back to the car. Nikolai woke up on the plane, nervous about all the new noises, and then refused to settle. I ended up walking up and down the aisles with him, trying to entertain him enough to avoid a meltdown.

  It wasn’t until the familiar trees and paddocks formed outside the car that I needed settling down to try and avoid a meltdown.

  I leaned over Artyom, in the back of the car, drinking in the sights that slowly began to configure. I saw the horses grazing in their paddocks and the huge bear-like dogs roaming the premises. Men moved in the shadows of the trees, but I felt their eyes turn to the car as it drove past.

  Before I knew it, the gravel was popping beneath the tires and we were passing the huge gates, bringing us into the embrace of the estate. Overgrown plants and trees still laid claim over the land, the mangled roots and unruly plants looking like the forest Niko and I had spent the past week surviving in.

  I saw the doors to the house snap open, followed by a flash of brown hair.

  I scrambled over Artyom before he even had the chance to take off his seatbelt.

  Her arms wrapped around me before I hit the ground, squeezing me so tightly that Nikolai whined.

  “Elena,” Danika sobbed. “Oh my God, thank God–” Suddenly, she pushed me away, fury warping her face. “What the fuck, Elena?”

  I held up Nikolai. He smiled at Danika. “Danika meet Nikolai, Niko meet Dani, Mama’s friend.”

  Danika covered her mouth, blinking rapidly. “Oh...It’s lovely to meet you, Nikolai. It truly is...” She looked up at me. “A baby? A beautiful baby boy.” Danika fell into a puddle of tears once more, pushing away Roman when he tried to comfort her. “No, no, piss off. I’m fine, I’m fine.”

  Danika looked older, but the sprite energy to her step remained. Her features remained mainly the same, other than the mark on her cheek. A bruise had formed which incited my curiosity–where had she gotten such a injury?

  When Danika interrogated people, they were usually tied down. Had one of them hurt her?

  Before I could ask, a melodic voice called my name.

  Roksana stepped into view. She floated down the stairs, each movement easy and light. By her ankles, a toddler with black hair followed, gripping her mother’s legs for protection.

  “Oh, Elena!”

  Roksana and I embraced. She wasn’t as demanding in her hug as Danika had been but she gave me a good squeeze.

  “I’m so happy you’re okay,” she whispered in my ear. When she pulled back, she touched Nikolai’s foot, giving him a small smile. “And who is this handsome boy?”

  Danika hiccupped. “Nikolai.”

  Roksana’s eyes widened. “Nikolai.” She tested the name in her mouth before giving him another smile. “Nikolai, it is lovely to meet you.”

  He went a little pink in the cheeks.

  “Say hello to Roksana.”

  “’Ello, Roksy.” He couldn’t pronounce her entire name so settled on two syllables.

  The toddler by her feet stepped closer, revealing her gorgeous little face. She looked like Artyom, but I could see Roksana's gentleness in her features.

  It looked like Konstantin and I weren’t the only ones who had been busy procreating instead of keeping an eye on Tatiana.

  “How rude of me.” Roksana laid a gentle hand on the little girl’s head. “This is my daughter, Evva. Evva, say hello to your Auntie Elena and her son, Nikolai.”

  Evva smiled like her mother. “Hello.”

  Niko peered down at her, eyes wide with curiosity. She looked up at him, brows furrowed.

  They didn’t seem to know what to make of each other.

  Nikolai hadn’t gone to preschool and there hadn’t been many other children around him growing up. Babushka and I had been his playmates–he had never had a friend his own age.

  Roksana laid a gentle hand on my arm. “Come inside and warm up. You two can eat, bath, sleep. You’re safe now.”

  You’re safe now. I resisted the urge to laugh.

  None of us were safe–even less now that I was with the family.

  The men had stayed to watch our reunion but none of them joined in. In fact, Artyom eyed how close I was to Evva, his protective instincts probably on fire.

  I felt my own ignite. Did he think Nikolai and I were some kind of threat to Evva? But then, Artyom had always been overprotective. He had been with Roksana, and was most likely worse when it came to his daughter.

  Konstantin was the only one who didn’t stay to watch the reunion. He entered the house with his other men, barking orders.

  Danika watched him go, face thoughtful. “He’s not been himself lately...”

  “Lately? I think you mean for three fucking years,” Roman muttered.

  She glared at him before turning back to me. There was a flicker of hope in her eyes. “He missed you, Elena. But now you’re back–our family is back together.” She grinned at Nikolai. “And we have so many more members! Aren’t we lucky?”


  Even Roksana, who was a known dreamer and always the optimist, looked at Danika in disbelief. But it was Roman who snorted and said, “Not in this fucking lifetime, Dani. Elena broke this family. It’s going to take more than a few kisses to heal that.”

  “It wasn’t only Elena.” I was surprised to hear Dmitri sticking up for me.

  The other person who had shattered the family remained unnamed but she didn’t need an introduction. Tatiana or Titus or whatever the fuck she called herself hung heavily over us all, invading our hearts and minds. Some days I thought, even if she dies, we’re never going to be free.

  The bitch’s ghost would probably open doors and turn on lamps for the rest of our mortal lives.

  “Don’t worry over your family.” I told them all. “I’ll protect mine and you protect yours.”

  All their eyes fell down to Nikolai. He had started making faces at Evva, which had her looking at her mother for some assistance.

  Roksana gave me another squeeze. “Let’s not worry about the past. Come inside, Elena.”

  It was eerie how much the house was the same and yet different. All the walls were in the same positions, the lights and paintings (even some of the moving boxes) remained identical.

  I felt like I had been torn back in time and was that twenty-three-year-old widow who had the blood of her father and husband on her hands.

  Now, I was twenty-six, a mother, with a degree in botany from a community college. I still had a lot of blood on my hands, but they were the same hands that bathed and soothed my son, so I couldn’t stay mad at them.

  Everything might still be in the same position, untouched and collecting dust, but there was something different. It wasn’t anything physical...more like the entire house was on eggshells. Even the floorboards seemed to creak softer. Like they were afraid of angering the inhabitants...

  Or simply the master of the house.

  Nikolai squirmed in my arms. “Down, Mama, please.”

  I put him down but held his hand. “No running off,” I told him when he pulled on my grip. “You will get lost. Then how will I find you?”

  “Hide and seek!”

  “Not now, baby. Maybe later.”

  He set his jaw, eyes narrowing. His mouth opened, ready to demand what he wanted in his two-year old way.

  Before he even got a word out, a voice rang out across the foyer.

  “Listen to your mother.”

  Nikolai fell quiet at the command. It seemed not even he was immune to respecting the Pakhan.

  Konstantin had decided to join us once again, with Babushka by his ankles. He looked calmer, but that beast he kept tightly locked up was roaming beneath his skin. One wrong move and it would burst free.

  My own beast had a similar temperament.

  I expected Konstantin to address me, to say something, anything. I would’ve been happy for him to start a fight in front of everyone. A nice big one, one that ended with tears and broken glass and Konstantin needing a drink.

  I got no such emotion from him.

  He said to Artyom and Dmitri. “Gather the men for the meeting.” He gestured to Danika. “You too, Danika.”

  Then he left.

  Nothing.

  Not even a look.

  His words wrapped themselves around my heart and squeezed.

  Lyubimaya, my Elena. My soul, my heart.

  “Time for a bath.” Roksana said quietly. “We even have bubble bath. Would you like some bubbles, Niko?”

  My son nodded energetically, and his bright voice filled the entire foyer. “Yes, please!”

  8

  Elena Falcone

  Water sloshed over the tiles as Nikolai and I bathed. I scrubbed his skin until the water turned brown from the dirt and his skin felt squishy to the touch. Eventually we found our fingers pruned, but neither of us got out. It felt too nice to have an actual wash, filled with sweet-smelling bubbles and soaps.

  "We won't stay here long, baby." I told Nikolai as I poured water over his head. He laughed at the game and tried to reciprocate. I let him, feeling the water run down my face, momentarily clogging my senses. "Okay, baby? We won't be here long."

  Nikolai wasn't really listening. "Ya, ya, Mama," he said.

  We won’t stay here long, I reminded myself.

  When I had rang Artyom, begging for help, desperate for safety, I hadn’t anticipated this. I hadn’t given a thought about what it would be like to see the family, see the people I had abandoned to protect.

  I hadn't realised how much I had missed them until I had seen them. In my mind, they hadn't aged or changed a day, frozen in time. It was irrational to believe they wouldn't change without me here, but some small part of me had really expected that. Instead, Roman's cheeks had hollowed as he had aged, and Roksana had began to move with more comfort on her leg.

  New wrinkles and scars and freckles stained them all, little reminders that I had missed nearly three years of their lives–and they had missed just as much of mine.

  I pushed Niko's hair out of his eyes.

  My son was too young to understand what was happening around him. But children were intuitive, and he knew something was going on–especially with Konstantin. I had tried to distract him on the way to the estate but Nikolai's inquisitive eyes had rested on Kon for most of the journey.

  Konstantin hadn't shown how he felt on his face but there had been a second on the plane where I could see matching curiosity in his expression when he took in his son. Only for a second before he had turned away, transforming back into the terrifying Pakhan he was.

  What did he make of him? I wondered. What did Konstantin think of Nikolai, think of his son? Was he happy, angry? Sad or indifferent?

  A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts.

  "Elena?" Came Roksana's voice. "I brought some clean towels."

  "Come in." I covered myself to offer Roksana some modesty.

  I assumed she would put the towels by the door and leave, but instead she slipped into the room. The movement allowed me to fully appreciate the use of her leg. She used to favour her left leg, but now she danced in each footfall, using them both.

  "Is the pain gone?" I asked before I could stop myself.

  Roksana hung the towels up on the rack and smiled at Nikolai. He grinned back. "Yes." She answered my question. "I've been using the tonic you prescribed me for the past few years. When it is cold or rains, there is pain…but most days I have full mobility of my knee."

  "I'm glad." And I was. Hearing Roksana was no longer in constant pain almost made me cry.

  To be fair, my hormones since becoming a mother had been whack.

  Roksana looked at herself in the mirror but she wasn’t focused on her reflection. Her thoughts were someplace else.

  “Roksana?” I prompted.

  “I missed you, Elena,” she said.

  “I missed you, too.” It was easier than I thought it would be for me to say that.

  Roksana looked down at her hands. “I've been in this family a long time, Elena. I've been here since the beginning you could say. Once upon a time, it was just me, Artyom, Konstantin and Tatiana. We took care of each other, we loved each other. We were a family.”

  Nikolai was entertaining himself with the leftover bubbles, allowing me to give Roksana my full attention.

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point?” Roksana turned to me. “Do you know when I was recovering from my...accident, Tatiana took me out to a field nearby Moscow. It was just me and her, neither of the boys were with us. Which was unusual since we always took the boys with us–it wasn't safe to be alone without them.”

  She intwined her fingers. “Do you know what she said to be out in that field? She said, scream Roksana. Scream until you can't scream anymore, scream until your lungs fall out of your chest, scream until your voice is swallowed by the sky and do you know what I did, Elena?”

  I already knew the answer
but I asked, “What did you do, Roksana?”

  “I screamed. I screamed until I had to lay down from the exertion.” Her eyes were glassy but no tears fell.

  “What was the point of that story?”

  Roksana smiled faintly. “When you need to scream, let me know. I know a field.”

  My shoulders tightened. “What makes you think I need to scream?”

  “Mother to mother, you look like you need a good scream.” Roksana patted the towels. “I put them in the dryer so they’re warm. Evva and I will be outside.”

  She left as quietly and gracefully as she had come.

  I scooped Nikolai out, despite his protests. But Roksana’s words had dropped into me, now a permanent part of my psyche. Restlessness coiled up in my muscles, and I needed to move, to see something.

  “Mama, let me do it.” Nikolai took the towel from me, clumsily drying himself.

  I wrapped the other towels around me and my hair, watching my son struggle. Eventually, he wore it as a cape, naked front out for everyone to see.

  I shook my head. Little boys.

  Roksana and Evva were out in the hallway. This time, Evva was in her mother’s arms and peered down at Nikolai. When he stuck his tongue out at her, she stuck hers out.

  “Niko,” I warned. “We don’t poke our tongues out at people.”

  He gestured to Evva in disbelief.

  “This way, Elena. You too, Nikolai.” Roksana said. She began down the hallway but the wrong direction.

  “Aren’t we staying in my own room?”

  She looked back at me, cringing slightly. “Uh no. Kostya wants you and Nikolai to stay down the hall from him.” She added quickly, “To keep you safe.”

  “Or to keep us in?”

  Roksana had no response to that.

  There were a few rooms in Konstantin’s hallway. His private en-suite, joined with his personal study and two spare rooms. Nikolai and I shared the bedroom next door to Konstantin, which meant I could hear him leave, but he could also hear me leave.

  I felt too close to him, just a configuration of plaster and brick keeping us separated.